Funeral Arrangments

 THE FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS

My mother is planning her funeral. 

After an unexpected life-threatening heart procedure, she sees her mortality in full color like rainbows broadcast on high definition movie screens. 

Her voice is calm and steady when she tells us, her 3 daughters, what she wants. A memorial service, where her casket is not present. 

“Of course, my immediate family can see my body, but I don’t want to be on display for everyone,” she says as she sets down her reading glasses. 

She looks fine. She is fine. The topic is the one that seems a bit sick. It’s wrong to discuss the end of someone’s life with such practicality, isn’t it?

So, I have to talk to her in a light off-handed way as if we are discussing the weather or a new pair of shoes. I almost, ask her what she wants to be buried in, a dress, a pantsuit, heels, flats or barefoot?  But I don’t. I can’t. I’m afraid she will, tell me not to worry about it and then go out and shop for her own burial outfit. This thought churns my stomach. She loves to shop. I have fond childhood memories of going with her to malls and stores, happy to be along for the ride. I was excited that even though, I didn’t have a dime, if I saw something I wanted and pleaded long enough, she would buy it for me. Of course, now, I love to shop, and it is no surprise that the sight of price tags dangling from garments may as well be Christmas trees with precious ornaments. 

“I didn’t select a fancy coffin,” she says as if to warn us. “I didn’t choose a silk lining either.”  

“You can buy a vault that allows water just inside the bottom or one that allows water completely inside.” She explains with the same flat expression. At first the image of mom in water is disturbing but then blooms into a serene image of the ocean.  I let her choose. It’s easier. 

I urge you, make arrangements prior to a loved one’s death, if possible. Sort out all the decisions with a clear mind and then when it’s time to grieve you can do just that, and that alone.