Excerpts From a Book I'll Never Write

RELATIONSHIP COURT: Romantic Justice For All

The gavel went down as an audible period. This sound ended the ruling with the finality of a coffin closing.  Judge Pierce hated when the jury overruled her personal thoughts on a case.  In this instance, the defendant, Mr. Jerk Face had won. The prosecuting attorney had not presented proper evidence and so his defense “She’s crazy!”, seemed to convince the jury of their peers (6 men and 6 women) to side with him. 

Relationship Court: Romantic Justice For All began as a result of all the cases that were being thrown out. The newly elected judge knew people often used their emotions over their own good sense.  More times then not, a means of getting back at exes often involved a lawsuit for the damage or loss of an electronic device, jewelry, cars or money. 

Regular court was being log-jammed with example after example of angry, bitter, and jealous former lovers or wannabe lovers who simply needed closure. 

 The relationship judicial system was born. It was meant to settle the eternal question that friends and families have shied away from for years: WHO’S RIGHT?!

 At one point or another in our lives a close friend or family member has asked if they were right in a situation with a significant other. Some of us have creatively navigated it with responses like:

 “Well, man you know how women are.”

“Girl, He is such a man, what do you expect?”

“It’s not about who’s right, it’s how people are when they’re in love.”

And my personal favorite:   “Honestly, I can see both sides.”

 Total cop-outs. The truth is someone is right and someone is wrong, and usually it’s obvious, but pride and  hefty fee per case allows people argue their sides in a public (or private *additional fee) forum for bragging rights and other non-tangible items. As the judge and inventor of this romantic justice, I’ve earned TV appearances, magazine spreads, and all the other things media orders up when they’re hungry for fresh meat. The fame as been a little overwhelming at times but the financial compensation has allowed me more than a few custom gavels and tailored robes, if you get my drift.

 So ladies (and dudes too) Don't flip and take matters into your own hands.  No slashing tires, busting windows out, uploading nude photos to the internet. Too risky! Take them to court.  

Just think, if you win, your EX would have to register him/herself as a “Love Offender” and not attempt to love within 20 miles of a single person of interest.  Yes, in Relationship Court one can seek any punishment or monetary fine (excluding bodily harm).

I'm just sayin'... think about it.