The Lost Art of Friendship
ReeNoun
Ahhhh friends. (C'mere you! Hugs)
My family complains that I pick up friends like strays! On occasion, I have been known to befriend people with whom I had very little in common with. My international and domestic pals alike are some of the most rewarding people I have ever met. I learned so much from an Iraqi Veteran, a small-town Peace Corps volunteer who spent years in Malawi, a professional ballplayer residing in Italy, and an 80-year-old great-grandmother who was a civil rights activist.
I really do treasure my friendships, even if some are shorter than others. There’s always something to learn from another's experiences.
Some ladies are able to have intense and lovely relationships with their besties and beyond. This is true for me with several of my amigas. I think that trust and respect are the building blocks of every relationship. This is even more important, I feel, in a friendship (unlike a romantic relationship) because there is no physical attraction to keep you invested when your needs aren’t getting met. If you have ever had friends, then you know some come and go. Why is that? Why is it so hard to maintain some friendships?
What is a friend?
A friend is someone who cares about your well-being. They are in your corner and there for you when the chips are down. While, they don’t necessarily have all the answers, they should be able to show you a silver lining in the darkest of clouds. They listen and care about the things that are important to you. In return, you should do the same. As individuals, we have our own set of expectations from our friends. Some expect more (a $1000 bridesmaid dress) some expect less (homemade cupcakes). Women rely on an intricate network of friends to combat boredom, loneliness, major and minor decision-making but mostly mental/emotional therapy. Who else will go shoe shopping with you or to Vegas to see Mariah Carey!?
Studies show "girl time" is absolutely detrimental to overall female relationship health.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/randy-kamen-gredinger-edd/female-friendship_b_2193062.html
So then, what happens when your “friend-ship” loses its anchor, springs a leak, or hits an iceberg!? While, I have yet to figure out how to bubble wrap one’s heart darling, my friends and I came up with a few Do’s and Don’ts in the lost art of friendship.
DON'T CRITICIZE OR TRY TO FIX HER
It’s your job to be supportive and tactfully honest, but first LOVING. She's not you. Be glad, because only you are you. One of you is more than enough. So, why attempt to make her feel badly about something just because you would behave differently? Be careful not to get on a high horse. She was there when you drove by your ex’s house, remember? Your way may work for you but she is a different person which is what makes her so interesting. Besides, none of us know everything (hello! remember when you got bangs!) Sorry, I didn't mean that.
DO APOLOGIZE QUICKLY
Don't wait until she texts you first. You can be sorry for hurting her even if you’re not sorry for what led to it. Maybe you honestly thought her new tattoo was hilarious but if it hurt her, you need to apologize, if you value her feelings (and expect her to value yours).
DO BUTTON LOOSE LIPS THAT SINK (friend) SHIPS
It's so tempting, isn't it? You just want to tell someone about that time she got wasted and hooked up with what’s-his-face. Are you trying to discredit her while looking for your own validation? When she finds out you told someone what she told you in confidence, you become the b!tch with a blabber mouth. Once trust is lost, it’s almost impossible to regain. Besides, what if it was you on the other end?
DO PUT YOURSELF IN HER SHOES (EVEN THE ONES YOU THINK ARE UGLY)
Take a moment to think about where she’s coming from. Consider what her experiences with people have been like that led her to take her position or act differently from you. If her behavior isn’t dangerous to her or anyone else, ask yourself, is there another underlying issue?
DON'T LIE
If you can’t be honest with her, then you can probably stop reading here, because y'all aren't friends.
DON'T HATE
Envy isn’t anyone’s color. Admiring our friends accomplishments is one thing (I mean that's why you hang around such a classy chick anyway to learn a thing of two). If you have many moments where you have wondered, why she dates hotter guys, looks good in culottes, never sweats, makes more money than you, and seems to be killing it at life, then ... (come closer) YOU ARE NOT HER FRIEND, you might be a fan. Maybe.
Finally, I think that women should be like bras...supporting and complimenting to one another (no matter shape or size) and most comfortable in pairs. XOXO
#Dontbeajockstrap
PS. Thank you to all my FRIENDS who shared advice and stories to help with this blog post! You all are the best!!